I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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