note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
