What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
