my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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