it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
