Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
