I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Can Purell be used as lube?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
