shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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