She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
