I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
A+ Viking dick
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
