My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
