I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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