Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I think a kid would responsible me up
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
