I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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