i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
