there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
