Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
