If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I did not marry a roomba.
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