My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
