And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
