Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
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You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
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You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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