Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
