if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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