so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
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I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
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I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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