No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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