If that was your dad, he is hot
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
