saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
