8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
