you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
farters have to be the big spoon...
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
