i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
