living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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