currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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