someone threw a dead crab at me
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
