Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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