Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
