Screwed.edu
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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