I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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