yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
