you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
