I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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