Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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