mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
