Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
