Pappa wants mamma naked
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
