I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
