You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Randomize
