: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
