I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
