I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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