New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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