I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
