and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
