We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
