There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
