just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
