just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
