I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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