Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
