People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
The power of my boobs compel you
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
