I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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