she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
