Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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