I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
