I'm lost and stupid without you.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
