Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
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That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
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Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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