i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
