whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
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So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
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I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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