the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
