Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
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You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
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At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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