i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
